I really really can't figure out what is wrong with me.
I think there are just too many things that are happening,
that in the end, I don't know what is right or wrong.

):

I have not been updating for like a week? Been trying to study, but this time around, something seems different and i don't know what it is. Shiam, Kim and Sam has been coming over to my place to study.
Just finished one paper on friday!
Today, after prata, Shiam was asking me if there is anything wrong with me and all.
I really don't know.

He usually asks me that whenever the group meets up, cause he knows that sometimes i am affected about Irwin. I mean, i have been totally fine with Irwin(I think), just that recently things took a change again, and i feel so argh! like why can't we just talk normally? why it is so difficult. I know i hurt him a lot a lot, and i don't deserve to ask him to be fine and all, but this whole thing is sort of getting to me. Guess that's why Shiam always ask if i am alright.
In addition,most of time, it is Shiam who has been the one keeping me in the group(besides the girls and brendan (:

On the other hand, think i have disappointed bud again. he sent me an email(I told him about the times when i feel like smoking and all, and why i feel like smoking) like on thursday? i really had the feeling to smoke, which is damn bad, i mean i don't really want to smoke, but i am afraid that if at that moment, or if anything happens, and i feel like smoking, i am afraid i will. So bud was trying to tell me not to and all, although what he said was a little emotional, but i know he really meant well, and it came from his heart. I know that part of the reason why i have not smoked yet is because of the promise i made to him. I would feel really bad if i do smoke. I know its not like i owe him anything, but i do treasure the friendship that i have with him, like i teared quite a bit when he left for China, although i must say that time did pass really fast!

Oh whatever! I don't know what will happen for the rest of this year, but i definitely hope that it won't be as bad as i think it would be. AND i am thinking if i should start to make all my posts just to friends only. I have changed all the rest already.

I SHALL SEE (:

OH! and i miss clique a lot! Can't wait for the chalet, did the booking already, and I had such a tough time getting the people to send me the confirmation email!

GOODNIGHT!

OMG! i actually have a blog now, thanks to miss yvonne seah who said that i should have a blog so that she knows what the hell is happening in my life! (:
anyway, just for updates, i am piled up with projects for the next two weeks which is really not good cause after that, its exams!